Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
