Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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