Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
