I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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