how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
