dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
