Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
