A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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