I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
