I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
