and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i think my cat just said my name.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
