HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
