Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
