Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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