How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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