We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
