Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
