Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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