somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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