just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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