So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
