Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
