Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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