and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
