Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
