1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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