i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
