the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
