Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
