You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize