Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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