I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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