i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
