I hope mine doesn't look like that
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
