It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
