if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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