I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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