if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
