GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
