she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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