I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
