Don't make out with my wife yet
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
