I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize