4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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