Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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