he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
