Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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