i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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