I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
