break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
