Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Farmville is her only friend.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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