So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize