Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
