I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize