i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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