talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
