Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
