Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
