THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
