Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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