Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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