i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
