Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
two words: eviction party
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
