you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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