By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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