Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize